The Bell Curve

The recent revival Hair at the Public Theater in NYC may or may not be signalling a new Age of Aquarius, but there’s one thing for which the DCGF is thankful for: a resurgence of flared-leg – if not bell-bottom – jeans at all levels of the denim industry. You see, as much as “skinny” jeans are supposed to make one look skinny, I’ve always hued to the notion that a little balance on the bottom makes the top look just a wee bit slimmer. I know, call me old fashioned! But I never did jump on the jeans-as-leggings trend. Which is why I nearly dropped my Vanity Fair after coming upon the latest Calvin Klein Jeans models, not celebrities, for this particular campaign. Thank you. I almost think Kate Moss might be on the next page. Ah, memories…

Second, check out those jeans on the left. Hallelujah! A flare at the bottom. And they’re so stylish. These aren’t the light-washed, overly whiskered jeans of the late 90s. These are dark and modern and – if my guess is right – they even have a touch of stretch. Could this be the denim that pulls the DCGF out of her five-year non-jean-wearing slump? Maybe.

I think I’ve located this particular pair online at Nordstrom for under $80 (that’s a bargain, relatively speaking!) but the inseam is only 33″. Alas, they’re not for me. But for all of you skinny jeans resisters of average-height out there, let me recommend the Calvin Klein Jeans Flare Stretch Trouser Jeans as an investment piece for the fall. Simply magnificent. Calvin’s aren’t the only refreshing option out there this season. J Brand, the purveyor of all that is cool in denim over the last couple of years, has introduced the “Angi Baby” in rigid Indigo (i.e., 100% cotton, no stretch) for fall. This pair is wide-legged, high-rise (which means they’ll actually fall a bit below your natural waist, as you can see from the picture), and has a great flare ending in a 24″ leg opening.

Now J Brand’s don’t come cheap, but they’re well worth the investment. If I can get my notoriously clothes-stingy sister to spend nearly $200 on a pair of jeans (this pair will set you back $183) and then rave about them to all her friends, then you know J Brand is doing something right! Plus, most of their pairs start with a 34″ or 35″ inseam, which might seem overwhelming for you petite gals out there. But for us tall ones, it’s a breath of fresh air. Remember: one can always make friends with a great seamstress and have pants hemmed. One cannot, however, create fabric out of thin air! Also check out J Brand’s new Blue Label, designed with more room around the thigh, but with a contoured waist. Read: room for the badonkadonk, but less gapping at the waist. Can I get an amen? And, just to prove that great jeans need not cost a fortune, nor need they be only for the tall and lithe, check out Old Navy’s “The Diva” Flared jeans that come in women’s sizes with petite, regular, and tall inseams… for just $32.50!

I know, I know, Old Navy has had many fit issues in the past with their denim, but I’ve heard good things about their current crop of jeans. This pair, for example, is embellishment free and utterly flattering to a variety of body types. And the dark wash will definitely flatter the sizes 16-30 in which they are available.

Now listen, dear readers, as with all trends, moderation is key. While I’m all for relaxing the skinny jean trend, I’m in no way endorsing a return to the baggy jeans days of yore (to go with baggy tee’s, Police sunglasses etc, just…no). And as much as Katie Holmes would like to convince us that she’s wearing Tom’s jeans (inseam, people – think about it), that’s no excuse for her recent tight-rolled outings. Additionally, I in no way equate “flare leg” or “bell-bottom” with “ginormously wide,” as in those JNCO-inspired (remember those, Goth posers?) pair from Cheap Monday, the prime mover of all that is skinny jeans.